Not that anybody really gives a flying fuck, but I've been struggling the past couple of weeks. Mainly over personal battles, but, this week I've been fighting a professional battle at work.

Seems that they have deemed my job as something doesn't require skill or anything of that type. I understand that you don't have to go college to be able to figure my job out or to be able to do the basics, but much past that you NEED some sort of training on it. If not some sort of training you need at least the desire to learn, do better than others in your department, and to basically know what you're doing on a basic level...something that only one of my bosses knows because, well, he's fucking done it while the others haven't. Which brings me to my next point...

The past year I have worked my ass off. I realize that everyone says they work their asses off at work because that's what they want everyone to believe. But, for me, it's the truth. They've made it to where it only takes two guys to basically do our job...and that's what we operate with everyday while everyone get's an extra guy. We've been bitching about this since we're ultra competitive and want it to be known that we're doing more with TWO people than the other guys are doing with three people with EASIER work...but that gets us nowhere.

We've been trying to get them to pay a "third" person and me and the guy I work with will split the money...at HELPER pay. I don't see how or why we don't deserve it because it's a constant flow of work for us and we ALWAYS out perform everyone else consistently...which brings me to my next point...

For the last three years I've been one step under our top pay (BEFORE the pay switch it was $20.41/hour...I know boohoo for me.) Understand this though, while I enjoy working with the guy I work with (mainly because out of everyone else he's the best to work with due to his quality, experience, and mechanical ability), I do by far the majority of the work on our trucks mainly because he gave up a long time ago after he topped out, all the while I'm trying to get to his level of pay because I feel that I deserve it...and he knows I do along with quite a few of people who don't even know our job!!! I HATE saying that I have more work on the trucks than him, but on this particular run of trucks...I do, well...it's pretty equal but the stuff I typically do is stuff he's "forgotten" or just doesn't want to do so, in my mind, I have the advantage for that work. And, forget the fact that I fix other people's mistakes that make more than I do so it looks like our division actually gives a shit about the work we do, and basically clean it up to make it look respectable, AND easy to figure out where all the wires are going...which is the majority of the battle in the long run.

Back on track now...

Thursday, our HR lady decided that our job wasn't a "skilled trade" like our painters and welders...that's another story for another fucking day. Basically when they did this it froze everyone in our departments pay which has started to set me off since I know the second most about our work in our department and I can back my knowledge up with my work too. So, as it stands now, I can be topped out with a $0.17 raise (I know, I know...quit your bitching about it because it's more than what a lot of people are getting paid.) The shittiest part about this is my annual review was due in May which more than likely would have given me a $0.97 raise BEFORE all this shit went down...well, it's July and I still haven't gotten it and missed out on that chance. Well our HR lady (or corporate HR) figured it would be FAIR to give people in my position a check for an extra $0.20/hour for an entire 40 hour year PLUS 166 hours of OT.

As it stands, that's $50 less than a weeks paycheck (before taxes and 401k) that I would usually take home. That seems like a pretty sweet deal until you factor in the missing $.077/hour that I WOULD be making if I had gotten that "raise" before this all went down. When I confronted my HR lady about this she tap danced around the "raise" I would have gotten, if I would have had my review on time...until I figure it out. She came to the conclusion (by reading the description of job title of course) that I wouldn't have gotten the "raise" even if I would have gotten a good review on time because it was basically the carrot dangling in front of of the donkey to keep him going.

Now with that kind of information in my back pocket, I'm really confused as what to do since I've ALREADY been our performing people that have been making more than me for the last THREE FUCKING YEARS!!!

I know this is still a really great job that has a lot of stability behind it, but at what point does a person leave a job they LOVE, but doesn't pay what they're worth? I have schematics memorized in my head that our engineering department doesn't know about and will eventually need for future trucks. It's their job to get us the information AND schematics to do our job effectively, but yet I hold a ton of valuable information that they will eventually need and will get zero credit for since they were too dumb to figure it out on their own. Does all that have any credibility since they've said that our job wasn't a skilled position and the "engineers" job's are? Pisses me off knowing that I can do a college graduates job, plus my job, plus 90% of the guys' job's in my department along with learning anything AND everything that comes my way with an extremely good memory. I don't know, I'm just really confused as to when to walk away from something that is really good for the better of myself...

Struggling

I don't know what it is but something inside me snapped this week. It's not exactly getting any better as the week goes, like I hoped, but it usually has in the past. Right now I'm full of anger and I'm lashing out against everyone. Usually I can hold it together when I'm dealing with people that I actually like and hold close to my heart, but that hasn't stopped me this week. It's a free-for-all and everyone's getting a piece of it if I as so much take something the wrong way. I honestly don't know what else to do about it and just hope its my "Man Rag" and it will pass not be a heavy flow kind of month...but who knows.

I recognized what was going on a couple days ago and I've withdrawn myself from normal conversation and pretty much everything. I don't really feel like doing much of shit anymore. A really good buddy of mine has announced this weekend as my birthday version 2 since the first one kind of sucked ass, and quite frankly, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to escape my basement other than to get caffeine in the morning and for food if I were to get hungry at some point during the day or night. Even if I were to get hungry I would probably just order something that could be delivered JUST so I wouldn't have to leave.

I know I'll end up going out this weekend because I have to, and because I don't miss going to see the fireworks show in my old neighborhood. Mainly because it's nice to go back there and it kind of takes me back to when I was kid, and I really miss that. I miss staying up all night, sitting outside just to enjoy the quiet and solitude, the smell of the river in the early morning, the feel of the dew from the grass on my bare feet, swinging at the knotted rope for hours, cutting the acre of grass with music blaring in my ears, taking a mini-basketball and hitting that across the yard to get my frustrations out, climbing up my favorite tree just to enjoy the view, and sitting on my roof outside the room I spent a lot time in just to watch life go by. Hopefully going back "home" will take a lot of this shit off my mind.

Maybe this weekend my buddy and me will just hammered together just because we can, and to drink some of our sorrows away. Granted our sorrows are both completely different, but it's something that hasn't happened before. It's usually been one or the other drinking away some shit rather than both of us. I could see it being a very good time, but on the flip side, I could see it being a bad and depressing time for both of us. Guess we'll find out one way or another because I'll have a long weekend to recover from the hangover and enough time to start drinking again to get rid of the said hangover...

So I've heard it quite a few times in the last few months that I'm missing out on a lot of "experiences" in life. I've been giving it a lot of thoughts and been retrospective on the "experiences" that I've had so far in my life, and to be honest, I don't think they've been that bad. Just because I haven't been to the Louvre and seen the Mona Lisa, been to the Sistine Chapel, been skydiving, snow skiing, seen the sunset in a resort on a tropical island, or gone mountain biking for hours on end.

While the "experiences" I've been through, so far in my life, don't even remotely measure up to any of those previously mentioned, I don't think I've short changed myself at all. There are some days I feel like I needed or wanted to do more, but I've experienced almost the full spectrum of human emotion that someone my age could experience. Well, minus the whole marriage and having a kid emotions. Other than that though, I've been through it all and have had a lot of fun in the process as well.

My range of "experiences" and emotions are a little bit skewed because I started working at a pretty early age...14. I understand that's not unheard of, but its a choice I made mainly to get closer to my dad. Was it the right choice? Hell if I know, but it did set me up with a work ethic that's gotten me an extremely well paying job. A job that tends to lead to very long hours when we get busy, but that's with any job right? And, at least I get overtime pay pay too...

I've had my fair share (read: a metric fuckton) of drunken experiences, and they're still climbing. From temporarily dead stripper night, 10 shots of Triple Sec in under 5 minutes night, drink 12 beers in an hour night, drink for more than 10 hours steadily, drink numerous cases of beer while coming up with "drinking games" while playing video games, the usual "get trashed off your ass and call the girl you had just recently went out on a 'date' with and cuss her out", and the ever popular "get thrown out of a party because I was talking 'normal' and everyone else didn't like my tone. There are a lot more, but those are my favorites off the top of my head. Obviously, everyone has these moments but, to me, you can't live your life without these "experiences".

I've experienced love, which to me at the time, at its purest form. And, within that "love" I had the experience to know what it feels like to be expecting a child. Then, in almost, the same instant knowing what it feels like to lose that child. Let me tell you, its a kick in the balls or gut, that nobody deserves once...let alone multiple times. That is like being on the top of Everest and then finding yourself at the bottom faster than you would ever think. Then finding out that you lost the baby and the person you loved in the same breath takes you to the lowest low that leads you to the the drunken experiences (see above) that leaves you spiraling out of control. Hell, while I'm talking about it I've lost two kids but the second time was with someone I didn't "love" but it doesn't make it any easier to fucking deal with. Enough of this shit...

Maybe a little more at a later date and time. I've "opened" up enough the last two days and, to be honest, it feels a bit strange to me. Another beer, another day...

Bittersweet

Valentines Day has always been a bittersweet day for me. Aside from usually being alone, I've lost a very good friend and gained someone very special on this day. And, every year, I still struggle to figure out how I feel.

The bitter part...

I don't really talk about this much, but maybe its time I said something. February 14th was a very dark day for me six years ago. I lost a friend, well a very good friend six years ago a day after her birthday. She wasn't in my life very long, but the time she was in my life was amazing. She was such an amazing and beautiful person I can't really describe. She had her flaws, like everyone else but she would turn a shitty time into a spectacular time. She ended up taking her life the day after her 20th birthday and I still wish I could have done something to change it. I know if she was set on that, anything I would have done would have only delayed the process and that is the what makes it so fucking hard to deal with. I still feel the pain I felt when I heard the news even six years later and still feel that same emptiness I felt when I heard the news. I don't know what else there is to say other than I miss you Kelly and wish I would have had more time with you.

The sweet part...


A year to the day after Kelly took her life, I was introduced to another person who was thrust into this life in very unusual circumstances. This is Eliza Michelle and she turned five today. She was born on February 14th 2005. Her "mom" had her on the toilet after months of denying she was pregnant. To cut a very long story short, little Eliza wasn't breathing when she came out and was revived on the way to St. Vincent's. She was not given much of a chance to survive and if she did, they said she was going to have some brain damage and severe setbacks in life. Everyday for the past five years, she has been proving everyone wrong. I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but she is just like every other five year old out there. We have our little thing that we do every time we see each other and she's remembered it for the last three years. If we don't do it she's very quick to call me out on it with an "Uncle Aaron!!! We didn't do the high five thing yet!!!" I love this kid and she's beyond special to me.

Now that I've teared up a bit, it feels nice to get this out and about even if only a few people will actually read this. Time for more beer? YES!!!

Dan Dakich Show Day Four

Sunday


NFL Network

Faulk, Sapp, and Irving all agree Peyton needs to win more rings to have the "best ever" tag. Deion actually made the most sense because he said to "wait until everything is said and done and THEN look at the body of work." They all flipped their scripts when Marino was brought up and said he deserves to be in the "best ever" discussion because he was "special." Last time I checked Peyton has already broken quite a few of his records and is on a blistering pace to finish the rest of them off and he already has more rings than Marino.

It's being reported that Colts players are staying in the same hotel as they did back in 2007 and the players who were on that championship team are sleeping the in the same rooms. Talk about a need for consistency...and superstitions.

Rich Eisen said it best on the Pro Bowl coverage, "the Colts must be at the stadium, because its raining in Miami."

Jonathon Vilma is predicting a Saints victory when asked if he didn't want have the experience of walking off the plane with his teammates in Miami. He responded "I'm too worried about having that because we'll have that experience when we get off the plane in New Orleans with a victory." He also rehashed what every defensive player has said for years on what they want to do to Peyton...try to confuse him mentally, put some pressure on him, and try to make him force some throws.

Darren Sharper joined the show and there wasn't too much out of the ordinary. The main thing he hit upon was the Saints going out next Sunday "to make their own destiny" and not to rely on the "Team of Destiny" role they've been given.

ESPN

John Clayton is reporting that Dwight Freeney is doubtful for the Super Bowl. He made the trip down to Miami on Friday to start his treatments on his ankle. I think their game plan is going to be to get him in there when possible and we'll see him mainly in the second half barring any setbacks in his treatments. I believe it was the second Jacksonville game this year that Caldwell used this to get Freeney a little extra rest and to keep his legs fresh.

Indystar.com

Phill Richardson and Mike Chappell are reporting that the Colts are looking at corners Jason David, Mike McKenzie, Jack Ikewuonu, and Deltha O'Neal to help out the secondary with the injury to Powers.

Other Notes

I was watching the replays of the past Super Bowls on NFL Network today and if anyone gets a chance to check them out I highly recommend checking them out. While watching these series I stumbled across a few odd things occurrences...

-The Steelers won Super Bowls 40 and 43...the Colts won Super Bowl 41 and are now in position to win Super Bowl 44.
-To start the 2006 season we lost Edgerrin and went on to win the Super Bowl
-To start this season we lost Marvin and are in position to win the Super Bowl
-The team that lost Dungy went on to win the Super Bowl the next year...I know this has already been touched upon, but its interesting nonetheless.

Since its the day of the Pro Bowl, most of the talk is about the Pro Bowl being a week before the Super Bowl...I know, real shocker. Bill Polian's comment is still ringing loud and clear, and personally, I couldn't agree more with him. It will be interesting to see how all this plays out having the Pro Bowl two weeks early. I've also heard reports that the NFL is thinking about having the Pro Bowl the week before the Super Bowl again next year in Hawaii. I can already see GM's and coaches heads around the NFL starting to steam up and ready to explode.

Aaron

Dan Dakich Show Day Three

Saturday

10am SportsCenter


Rachael Nichols reports that Dwight Freeney is questionable for the Super Bowl with the ankle injury he sustained in the Jets game. There are questions regarding how this will effect his playing ability in the game because his speed will be off. Even if Freeney is a step slower, the Saints will still have to respect his abilities. If he's proving the injury is effecting his game then I'm sure we'll see subsequent double teams on Mathis and the Saints will more than likely open up more passing possibilities with a little extra pocket time for Brees, and that could be bad but I believe that Larry Coyer will plan and make the necessary adjustments like he has all year.

Bob Holtzman was reporting from the Pro Bowl and was getting opinions from various players. The overall consensus was getting to Brees and putting some pressure on him, which usually is the name of the game when the other team has a great quarterback. Interestingly enough when Tampa beat the Saints at the end of the year, they weren't able to get to Brees but they didn't allow big plays. That's usually a strong point for the Colts, but after seeing the two big plays that they gave up against the Jets that worries me a bit. On a positive note though, the Jets tried for big plays after that and were unsuccessful. Again, I'm going to trust in Larry Coyer to install a solid game plan to limit plays to 20 yards or less. There will be a few, but I fully expect Peyton and Co. to have a few as well.

There were a few good stats from this segment regarding the Saints...

-In 15 wins they averaged 36 ppg and won the turnover battle by going +22.
-In 3 losses they averaged 15 ppg and lost the turnover battle by going -5.

Other notes...

-After watching Serena Williams holding the Australian Open Trophy, I realized she has bigger arms than me. I think its about time to start hitting the gym hard...

-A big thank you to Kurt Warner for showing us all what someone can do if given the opportunity to succeed. In a world where we see so many people throw away their abilities, or never live up to them (Ryan Leaf) its heartwarming to see someone work through and overcome adversity. It would have been easy for him to throw in the towel but he kept fighting and showed everyone what they should do if given the chance. Thank you again Kurt and I hope the HOF voters get it right the first time.

Aaron

Dan Dakich Show Day Two

Edit...Sharper should have been Woodson in the last post. I rushed through it to get down what he said and got Sharper and Woodson mixed up.

Day 2

NFL Live...

After refueling (yes, I eat an early dinner and no, I'm not old) and walking in halfway through the show I came in and they were talking about the Saints defense vs. Peyton and the type of role Darren Sharper will most likely play. It basically boiled down to what it has all year long...Peyton will figure out what they're doing and then he will do what he wants and what is needed to win the game. It concluded with the trio agreeing on they might stop (stall) Peyton for a quarter or two but you won't stop him for the entire game. Personally, I think that if the Saints put just enough guys up front to stall the running game and play the pass first defense to allow the linebackers to come up and make a play on Addai/Brown is their easiest option, sounds easy enough anyway.

Rome is Burning...

Hard to get much out of a show that features a lot of sports stories in a very short amount of time. However, there were a few quick mentions...

Saints defensive coordinator, Gregg Williams, wants to put some "remember me?" hits on Peyton as they did on Favre last week. I'm sure the Jets had the same plan last week, but after the two early sacks my memory is vague on Peyton getting hit...I blame the beer. Also, don't we have one of the best, if not the best, pass blocking offensive lines? Should be a pretty interesting match up.

Note: This was brought up on Around the Horn and Cowlishaw, Paige, and Mariotti all agree that Peyton will eat them alive with that game plan. Woody Paige brought up a good point to add a couple extra in the secondary instead of trying to go after Peyton. I think its a great suggestion but as I've thought for awhile, when teams play the "pass first defense" it really opens up our running game, much as it did against the Jets when they did the same AND tried to get after Peyton.

Tim Brown joined the showed for a little one on one face time and talked briefly about the Super Bowl. When asked who he's going for in the game he said he "wants to root for the Saints, but its hard to pick against the Colts and Peyton because he has two weeks to dissect the Saints defense." He also joins the consensus of experts saying that Peyton needs another ring to be considered the best ever, but wasn't sure why that's a necessity because he has four MVP trophies. I REALLY have to agree with the latter, because its really difficult to overlook the entire body of work Peyton has put forth so far...and he keeps improving with each year, which is the scary part.

The 6 o'clock SportsCenter was pretty much a rehash of what the other shows have already said for the benefit of those who weren't able to watch the earlier shows. One thing the other shows didn't pick up was Darren Woodson saying that Reggie Bush could pose a huge problem for the Colts if he gets into man coverage. I find a problem with that. The Colts are a great tackling team and they're fast. As soon as one guy goes for the tackle, the others are there fast...'nuff said...

Here's a couple of interesting stats they showed on SportsCenter between Peyton and Brees...

-Each have 122 passing touchdowns in the last four years
-Each have 29 games with a passer rating of 100+ in the last four years
-Each have 6 passing touchdowns in the last two minutes of a half this year

Moral of the story? Each teams' secondaries have their work cut out for them in the Super Bowl.

Aaron