So...

So for almost 2 months I've been weaning off taking Zoloft and for almost 2 weeks I've been completely off of it. This has been without a doubt in my mind one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in the past 5 years. I'm much more irritable and angry the majority of the time along with random dizzy spells, disorientation, and lack of concentration.

So far I've learned a couple things about myself. I've learned that I haven't really had much tact when dealing with much of anything the last couple of weeks, but sometimes you just have to speak your mind and that's what I've been doing. So far it's cost me a "friend" and I use that word extremely loosely. I've known her for a while but we only recently started talking. Apparently when I told her what I was going through it seemed to be a little too much for her to fully understand. So last night I get a random text saying how "I'm missing out on friendships" and all that jazz by being this way and I honestly don't want to be this way, but its what I have to deal with for a little bit. I'm not sure why its so difficult to understand that someone is going through a tough time and will only talk to people that they're closest to...not so much on here, but its a place to vent. Needless to say, I probably could have handled the situation slightly better, but after a couple weeks of the same shit over and over I had enough and so be it, what happens...well, happens. I'm pretty sure that this will put a strain on a relationship I have with a buddy of mine that I've had for 20+ years...I just hope he can remotely understand because he's like a brother to me and his family is like my family.

Another thing I've learned is that while I usually spoke what was on my mind most of the time, I'm not really holding back what I say to anyone. It may look like I'm lashing out or picking fights with people, but its been a long time coming for those people.

Right now it just seems I'm at wits end with almost everything and I'm extremely certain that this will pay off in the long road. No more feeling like a zombie and taking a fucking pill every night of the week and being dependent upon it to make me "happy".

Fucking Hostile

Now that I'm home and I cracked open a beer (my first in almost 2 weeks) and lit a smoke I have to do something to get this shit out of my system.

Ever since yesterday I've felt an uncomfortable weight on my shoulders. No clue how it got there or what the fuck its from, but its there for whatever godforsaken reason. While at work today, I might have stumbled across why I'm so damn irritable and hostile the last couple days, so here it is in list form and in no particular order...

1. I'm finally breaking my body free of Zoloft... Yes, I take Zoloft and have been taking it since the middle of 2003. It stemmed from huge anxiety and depression that hit me like a ton of bricks when I found out that my roommate at the time was coming home from deployment and the "relationship" that I started with his girlfriend while he was gone was coming to an abrupt end. Then to put a nice fat ass cherry on top of all that, she was pregnant. Did I ever tell my roommate? No. Will he talk to me to this day? No.
2. Lazy fucking people at work... I know this is a short work week, but damn everyone feels the need to talk ALL day and not work. I hate, hate, hate laziness at work. We're there to work and make a living and not bullshit all day and talk about Obama's Health Care Plan.
3. Obama's Health Care Plan... Yep, I'm sick of hearing about it. I'm 100% against the idea because I know what its like to be part of socialized medicine from my Air Force days. Granted that was on a small scale, but it still blew more than a whore during 1/2 price Wednesday's. I don't understand the big rush to get this done. I understand they want to get it pushed through so they can have it on their political resume, but they should at least PRETEND to want to get it right. I'm sick of everyone's argument that "Canada and England do it and look at them." Yeah, look at them come over here and get the treatment they feel is far superior to what they have in their countries. Then what people don't realize is that if you get cancer in Canada or England you have a far less chance of surviving than you would if you got treatment here. Then another thing people don't realize is that this is probably a huge distraction for the Cap and Trade agreement they're trying to get going so they can rape us in our ass on stuff like electricity, gas, and fuel. This is one thing that will quietly get pushed through and leave EVERYONE dumbfounded and people like Al Gore rich off his already rich ass. Thomas Jefferson said it best, "A government big enough to give everyone everything they want is big enough to take everything away from everyone." Need I say more?
4. Halo withdrawals... Granted after a 5 day weekend I have huge issues with getting back into the swing of things, but for some reason I REALLY don't want to be at work...I REALLY want to be playing Halo all day. Does that make me sound like a loser? Yes, yes it does but its a hobby/addiction of mine and if that could pay the bills then I would love to quit the hell I work in everyday.
5. Apparently I bitch every time I talk... I know you can't tell it from this, but I don't really bitch ALL the time...just a good chunk of the time. This is pretty much the word on the street at work. We had a training class today and I swear on my life that I wasn't bitching, but the lady in charge of it said I was bitching the entire time. Apparently she has no sense of humor because I was making fun of people who couldn't crimp butt connectors or wouldn't shut the fuck up (see number 2). Yes, we actually had a training class on how to crimp butt connectors, aka 90% of our job. And yes, there were people in there that couldn't do it and they work on the same trucks I do. Apparently they make too much money or I make far too less in contrast to those assholes.

I think that pretty much covers the shit that is for some reason looming over my head and sitting its fat fucking ass on my shoulders. I do think that my ability to get decent sleep is affecting me too, but that's my own doing after the 5 day weekend and my body doesn't want to get back to where it needs to be.

That is all...for now...