So I've heard it quite a few times in the last few months that I'm missing out on a lot of "experiences" in life. I've been giving it a lot of thoughts and been retrospective on the "experiences" that I've had so far in my life, and to be honest, I don't think they've been that bad. Just because I haven't been to the Louvre and seen the Mona Lisa, been to the Sistine Chapel, been skydiving, snow skiing, seen the sunset in a resort on a tropical island, or gone mountain biking for hours on end.

While the "experiences" I've been through, so far in my life, don't even remotely measure up to any of those previously mentioned, I don't think I've short changed myself at all. There are some days I feel like I needed or wanted to do more, but I've experienced almost the full spectrum of human emotion that someone my age could experience. Well, minus the whole marriage and having a kid emotions. Other than that though, I've been through it all and have had a lot of fun in the process as well.

My range of "experiences" and emotions are a little bit skewed because I started working at a pretty early age...14. I understand that's not unheard of, but its a choice I made mainly to get closer to my dad. Was it the right choice? Hell if I know, but it did set me up with a work ethic that's gotten me an extremely well paying job. A job that tends to lead to very long hours when we get busy, but that's with any job right? And, at least I get overtime pay pay too...

I've had my fair share (read: a metric fuckton) of drunken experiences, and they're still climbing. From temporarily dead stripper night, 10 shots of Triple Sec in under 5 minutes night, drink 12 beers in an hour night, drink for more than 10 hours steadily, drink numerous cases of beer while coming up with "drinking games" while playing video games, the usual "get trashed off your ass and call the girl you had just recently went out on a 'date' with and cuss her out", and the ever popular "get thrown out of a party because I was talking 'normal' and everyone else didn't like my tone. There are a lot more, but those are my favorites off the top of my head. Obviously, everyone has these moments but, to me, you can't live your life without these "experiences".

I've experienced love, which to me at the time, at its purest form. And, within that "love" I had the experience to know what it feels like to be expecting a child. Then, in almost, the same instant knowing what it feels like to lose that child. Let me tell you, its a kick in the balls or gut, that nobody deserves once...let alone multiple times. That is like being on the top of Everest and then finding yourself at the bottom faster than you would ever think. Then finding out that you lost the baby and the person you loved in the same breath takes you to the lowest low that leads you to the the drunken experiences (see above) that leaves you spiraling out of control. Hell, while I'm talking about it I've lost two kids but the second time was with someone I didn't "love" but it doesn't make it any easier to fucking deal with. Enough of this shit...

Maybe a little more at a later date and time. I've "opened" up enough the last two days and, to be honest, it feels a bit strange to me. Another beer, another day...

Bittersweet

Valentines Day has always been a bittersweet day for me. Aside from usually being alone, I've lost a very good friend and gained someone very special on this day. And, every year, I still struggle to figure out how I feel.

The bitter part...

I don't really talk about this much, but maybe its time I said something. February 14th was a very dark day for me six years ago. I lost a friend, well a very good friend six years ago a day after her birthday. She wasn't in my life very long, but the time she was in my life was amazing. She was such an amazing and beautiful person I can't really describe. She had her flaws, like everyone else but she would turn a shitty time into a spectacular time. She ended up taking her life the day after her 20th birthday and I still wish I could have done something to change it. I know if she was set on that, anything I would have done would have only delayed the process and that is the what makes it so fucking hard to deal with. I still feel the pain I felt when I heard the news even six years later and still feel that same emptiness I felt when I heard the news. I don't know what else there is to say other than I miss you Kelly and wish I would have had more time with you.

The sweet part...


A year to the day after Kelly took her life, I was introduced to another person who was thrust into this life in very unusual circumstances. This is Eliza Michelle and she turned five today. She was born on February 14th 2005. Her "mom" had her on the toilet after months of denying she was pregnant. To cut a very long story short, little Eliza wasn't breathing when she came out and was revived on the way to St. Vincent's. She was not given much of a chance to survive and if she did, they said she was going to have some brain damage and severe setbacks in life. Everyday for the past five years, she has been proving everyone wrong. I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but she is just like every other five year old out there. We have our little thing that we do every time we see each other and she's remembered it for the last three years. If we don't do it she's very quick to call me out on it with an "Uncle Aaron!!! We didn't do the high five thing yet!!!" I love this kid and she's beyond special to me.

Now that I've teared up a bit, it feels nice to get this out and about even if only a few people will actually read this. Time for more beer? YES!!!